The nostalgic nuclear family it is not. She is 37 and married for the first time. He is 31 and has a 7-year-old son from a previous marriage. But Matt O'Brien and Paula Perez Shoecraft's marriage in June has become more often the rule than the exception.

As culture and relationships have evolved, they have taken marriage with them.

"The thing about getting married later in life is you go in with your eyes wide open," Paula O'Brien said. "I've seen my friends make all the mistakes. I know it takes hard work."

When an April ruling by the Iowa Supreme Court legalized gay marriage, opponents warned that such unions pose a threat to traditional marriage. But the real threat to marriage appears to be, simply, that fewer people are getting married, and more couples are opting to live together instead.

In 2007, 15 percent fewer people in Scott County got married than in 2000, according to a Quad-City Times study. And 37 percent fewer divorces were recorded in 2007 than in 2000.

Even so, marriage remains highly regarded here.

"The Quad-Cities is very married," said Monica Clark, a counselor for Psychology Health Group, Davenport. "It's an extremely family-oriented community."

A Times reporting project found marriage remains highly valued by individuals and society, even as the institution confronts new threats to go along with age-old ones. The old threats - sex, money and communication - are getting able assists from financially empowered women who can afford to file for divorce and/or can afford to live alone.

At the same time, Internet technology has introduced new ways for both partners to cheat.

But the biggest threat of all appears to be a growing reluctance to legally commit. People are more comfortable living together today without the legal benefits of marriage or the social stigma of "living in sin."

The U.S. census for 2007 shows 12.4 million unmarried couples living together nationally. In Scott and Rock Island counties, 14,072 couples have decided, for now, to bypass the blood test. And it might be just as well.

Local experts agreed with several recent studies that show co-habiting couples who decide to wed are at a much greater risk for divorce.

"When couples live together first, the rate of divorce is 80 percent," said Sarah Beck, a counselor at Family Counseling and Psychology Center, Bettendorf. "You keep your singleness in your back pocket."

A number of marriage counselors, clergy/faith leaders, divorce attorneys, academics and couples - married or not - who were interviewed by the Times about changes in marriage offered some conclusions:

- A long marriage isn't necessarily a successful one, divorce lawyers said, adding that more 25-year marriages are ending in divorce.

- Couples grapple with the same growing pains as their grandparents' generation: money, kids and sex, the counselors said. But pornography and social networking sites on the Internet are giving new legs to the old marital poison: infidelity.

- A common denominator for success is communication, faith leaders said. Without it, relationships are doomed.

- This year's state Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay marriage in Iowa was never mentioned as a threat by any of those on the frontlines dealing with marriage issues.

The couples you will read about over the next several days had their own conclusions:

- The O'Briens were busy concentrating on their careers and weren't eager to hop into marriage. "I didn't want to settle," Paula said. "I knew marriage wasn't a fairy tale."

Matt, who had been divorced for several years, was content being single. "Although I wasn't opposed to finding someone and getting married again, it just wasn't on the forefront of my mind," he said.

- Geoff Bruns and Jill Magner divorced when their relationship lost its spark. Jill said she realized one day that she no longer was attracted to Geoff.

- Pat and Doug Druckenmiller have kept their spark alive for 40 years. They started out as friends and said their marriage is strong because they share passions and communication.

- Larry and Vicki Harding kept trying but still can't make it work. The pair has twice married and twice divorced.

- Tony and Theresa Phillips found a way to make marriage work after a rocky start. Married for 20 years, it took some time for them to learn how to enjoy one another.

- Chuck and Karen Palmgren had a first marriage behind them when they met - doing speed dating.

Andrew Cherlin, professor of sociology and public policy at Johns Hopkins University and author of "The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today," told the Times he has an idea why marriage and divorce rates are declining.

"I think there is widespread anxiety about marriage today," he said. "People want to marry and to stay married, but they are not sure they can pull it off. Young co-habiting couples worry about finances. Husbands and wives ask themselves if they are getting enough personal satisfaction from their marriages, and, if the answer is no, they will often leave."

However, he added, "marriage remains very important to people, and it remains the gold standard of intimate relationships."