From the cockpit, a pilot with a smile
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By Bill Windram | Friday, September 12, 2008 |
AIRLINE pilots speak in robot-talk. The only thing you hear is “Flight attendants, prepare for landing.”
We need more pilots like the one on a long AirTran flight to Seattle from the Quad-Cities by way of Atlanta.
He blurts out: “Welcome aboard this beautiful, gorgeous Boeing 737, made in America, right in Seattle where we’re heading.”
As passengers nibble on mini-sacks of pretzels, he seriously announces, “I know you are appreciating our award-winning cuisine.”
The plane drones high above the clouds. He breaks into the quiet: “We’re now over Kansas.” Some garble follows about not being able to see anything below, “so don’t look for Dorothy and Toto.”
Later: “We’re now over Walla Walla, Wash. You can’t climb out on a wing to get a look.”
Another terse announcement that chuckles the passengers:
“Please, only one person in the rest room at a time. A little crowded, you know.”
COMMENT overheard at the swarming Atlanta airport, said to be busier than Chicago’s O’Hare:
“You’ll never get to heaven anymore unless you go through Atlanta.”
Take two aspirin and groan
Dick Sheckler of DeWitt is telling this one around town:
A man is filling out an application for life insurance, and the agent is asking him the usual questions.
Then he asks, “Do you have any scars?”
The man replies, “No, but I have some cigarettes.”
Life in the faceless cities“We have become so impersonal,” a reader reports. “The other day I called a physician’s office. When I was put on hold, the message was: ‘Please hold. All our agents are busy with other customers. We will answer your call in the order we received it.’ Can you imagine a patient being called a customer? I really couldn’t help but laugh all the time I was on hold.”
Bless this patient. Thank goodness she could laugh. Would you?
Ole at the Olympics
A German, an Italian and a Norwegian wanted to see the Olympics but couldn’t get any tickets.
The three men stood watching athletes enter the grounds when suddenly the German took off. He returned wearing shorts and carrying a big rock. He walked to the gate and said, “Hans Schmidt, Germany, shot put.” They let him in.
The Italian saw this and took off, returning later wearing shorts and carrying a long tree limb. He walked to the gate and said, “Luigi Ghiberti, Italy, pole vault.” They let him in.
The Norwegian saw what happened and took off. He returned wearing shorts and carrying a spool of barbed wire. He walked up to the gate and said, ‘Ole Olson, Norway, fencing.”
Street scenes
ON MARQUEE of Hooters along D’port’s Welcome Way: “Beer now cheaper than gas. Drink, but don’t drive.”
CHECKING OUT: We’re losing the old motels where travelers once bedded down for the night along U.S. 6 in Davenport. Gone is the Tall Corn where Hillary stayed as a kid. Now, bulldozers are doing their job on what used to be Bettendorf’s El Rancho. Grim sight, a pile of well-worn mattresses in the driveway. Blame the interstates.
Bill Wundram can be contacted at (563) 383-2249 or bwundram@qctimes.com.
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