My unsolicited words to Class of ’08 ...

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By Bill Wundram | Sunday, May 18, 2008 |

AT this time of year, thoughts turn to caps and gowns and graduation parties. And I like to update the high school graduation speech that no one will ask me to give.

Oh, I’ve given versions of this two or three times to mixed reaction. Once, I spoke to the graduation class of Rock Island Alleman High School.

“I’m not paying attention to you folks out there,” I said, a remark that shocked most moms and dads and grandmas. I turned my back to the grownups and faced the graduates behind me: “As you get your diploma, there are now three important things in your life — God, your cell phone and your bottle of water.” We connected; nuns told me it was the first time that a speaker got a standing ovation from the graduates. It showed me that a commencement speech doesn’t have to be serious.

So, this is my 2008 version of the graduation speech that no one will be asking me to give, with tidbits usurped from many sources. Whatever you think, it’s good advice.

Most graduation speeches tackle the big connection, but I want to pass along wisdom for getting along ... such as always order extra butter on your popcorn and try to be at peace with everyone. Never retell the plots of movies like “Iron Man.”

Smile, darn you, smile! Laughter is a true gift. It eases the tests of life. Be friendly!

Don’t worry about every little thing and begin to enjoy life. Long ago, as a punk reporter on this sheet, my desk was near Bob Feeney. He was a jovial reporter who was promoted to a certain doom of writing editorials. I’m a terrible worrier. Feeney always told me not to worry so much. His advice was sound: “Listen, kid, most problems will solve themselves.”

In other words, unless it’s a big-time concern, it will pass.

Bill Granger, a thoughtful columnist for the Chicago Tribune, once wrote: “Very often, life is like a warm can of Pepsi out of a pop machine on a hot day. It’s not what you expected. I advise you to ignore the breaks, because you will get as many breaks going your way as against you.”

Life is full of delights, so enjoy them now. Have fun! Eat your heart out on greasy french fries and remember that you can always find enough nickels and dimes on the floor of your car to buy a package of Twinkies or a box of Good & Plenty. Eat less broccoli and more Whitey’s shakes. Watch more sunsets and admire The One who makes them possible. Stroll the Davenport skybridge at night, holding the hand of your girlfriend or guyfriend. Hand-holding is a bond of love.

Enjoy music. My old high school band teacher told me to stay with music all my life. It provides comfort and stirs the heart. Your life can be enriched by Mozart and Vivaldi, just as it can be with the indescribable sounds of Bix. Or bop-cheeked Dizzy Gillespie. Or the Beatles. Learn to love the universe around us. Stretch out in the summer sun for a slow bake. Go barefoot. Run through the garden sprinkler.

Always be a gentleman, always be a lady. Open doors for everyone, bum or banker; it will make them feel important. I once spent a day with the comic legend Red Skelton who said he acted like a gentleman for so long that he became one.

Oh, I have plenty of other advice for you grads. After you are handed that diploma, turn it over to mom or dad and say, “This isn’t for me, it’s for you — for loving me, for staying up late when I forgot about my curfew, for driving me to all the soccer practices and marching band rehearsals and never missing a concert or a game.”

And when you go off to college, and I hope you do, call your grandma once a week. She may be so thrilled that she will send you some of her oatmeal cookies ... with raisins.

Bill Wundram can be contacted at (563) 383-2249 or bwundram@qctimes.com.