Rabbi shares death experience with Mark crowd

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By Dawn Feddersen QUAD-CITY TIMES | Tuesday, May 8, 2007 1:21 AM CDT | () comments

When Rabbi Harold Kushner’s 14-year-old son, Aaron, was dying of a degenerative disease he had been diagnosed with at age 3, Aaron told his father he wished he could live long enough to do something that people would remember him for.

Kushner promised his son that people would remember him. Soon thereafter, Kushner published his first book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People,” telling the world about Aaron’s life and how his family coped with his loss.

Kushner spoke Monday night at The Mark of the Quad-Cities to a crowd of about 100 people, many of whom also had dealt with the loss of a child.

“I had to give up the idea that God protects the righteous and punishes the wicked. I know that some people think that if they had practiced their faith better or done this and that better, then maybe their child wouldn’t have died. But we were the most religiously committed Jews in the community. You don’t have to give up your faith, you don’t have to lose God. You have to find a way to affirm your faith and get past your anger,” he said.

Sharon Martin of Davenport and her mother, Judy Warriech, who was visiting from Connecticut, both have read several of Kushner’s books.

Two years ago, Martin lost her daughter, Rachael Nicole, shortly after she was born. Martin said Kushner’s books were an important source of comfort during the trying times that followed.

“It means a lot to be here and hear him talk because he played such an important role in the healing of my family,” she said.

Warriech says Kushner’s books have helped her cope with other issues.

“I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for 17 years, and his books have been very helpful during my recovery. It’s hard to stay positive when you’re in pain, but he helps remind me what’s important in life,” she said.

Bethany for Children and Families brought Kushner to the Quad-Cities to speak.

“What we wanted to do was help families learn ways they can cope with the loss of a child. They may never recover from it, but the rabbi can help them understand that it’s no one’s fault, that bad things simply happen,” said Gary Rowe, vice president of marketing and development at Bethany.

What helped Carolyn and Jerry Webb deal with the loss of their 4-month-old daughter, Anna, in 1984 was joining a support group, The Compassionate Friends.

Carolyn Webb was on hand to hear Kushner speak and to introduce the group to grieving parents at the event.

“The support group gives parents a forum to talk about their child. Friends who haven’t had a child die might not be willing to talk about it after awhile. They want life to go on. Our life has gone on. We have a happy family. But that loss is always with you. Speaking about your child is a way of honoring them,” she said.

Contact the city desk at (563) 383-2245 or newsroom@qctimes.com.